Is there ever a convenient time to have a spiritual awakening?! Lol!
I never even knew what one was until recently. If others said they’d had one, I’d think, “That’s amazing, I love that for you!”
But I didn’t really get it.
I’ve considered myself “spiritual” for a long time, but this was something else entirely.
Truth be told, it’s been challenging to know what to say to you lately, as I’ve been going through this. It just feels so… big.
Plus, how woo did I want to be? Publicly? I definitely was with my clients, but that’s a little more low key.
My brain is very logical (hello, ISTJ) and I’ve always had a little healthy skepticism about things in this realm.
I’ve always taught marketing – yes, with a healthy dose of mindset mixed in – but I was the brass tacks girl. Strategy, baby!
All this to say, my eyes have been opened and things are happening fast.
The marketing is 10% of the equation. (Still important.) But the other 90% is something else entirely.
It’s that 90% that has me fascinated. And it goes way beyond what I might have called mindset in the past.
When thinking about what I wanted to share today, I decided it felt right to tell some of my story. Because I realized how very much this all has to do with business, growth, what holds us back, and purpose… and that has me on fire.
Throughout my life I’ve had several traumatic experiences, as many of us do. I had no idea that these would be the catalyst for a healing journey.
I’m still on that journey, yet a tremendous amount of shifting has happened over the last couple of years.
The biggie that led to this happened from the ages of 36 to 41. I was entangled in an excruciating, emotionally abusive relationship just after splitting from my ex-husband.
It left me wrecked. It was to be life-altering, but I didn’t even see or know what I was experiencing until over 2 years in.
At that point I thought I was possibly going crazy, so I returned to therapy to try to figure out what was going on.
Long story medium, I was dating a narcissist with anti-social personality disorder. And I was told to get OUT, NOW.
The person doesn’t matter, nor the specific circumstances, but suffice to say it was brutal finding this all out, and then going down the rabbit hole.
Everything I read ticked the boxes of my experience, and I spent the next 3 and a half years trying to fully break free.
I felt ill thinking about how an independent, successful, intelligent woman could end up here.
And why did it feel impossible to make it all stop? I mean, years??
Why was I still caught in the middle of something that was hurting me so much?
I learned about cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, gaslighting, C-PTSD, triangulation, and a whole host of other things I wished I didn’t have to learn about.
I moved nearly 1000 miles away, and it still followed me.
All the gory details aren’t important, but I’ve described it like this: he never laid a finger on me, but he nearly killed me.
It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced in my life.
In the midst of trying to extricate myself from this, I turned to energy healing that was specific to what I was going through, as well as EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).
I didn’t really understand it. I thought it was pretty out there. But I was desperate for relief.
It was uncomfortable, often inconvenient, and confronting.
There were days when I really wondered if I would ever feel happy again, and days I could barely get out of bed.
I’d left everyone I knew back in NJ, and moved to Florida where I knew no one. (Only for the winter originally, but I never left. Apparently a common scenario down here.)
The loneliness and turmoil at times were almost unbearable.
Throw in trying to run a business, and… yeah. It was a lot.
But I diligently continued the work.
A few months before Corona, I noticed the heaviness began to lift. I actually met someone when I wasn’t even looking for it, and while it was a relatively short relationship, I now see it was exactly what I needed to help close that chapter and evolve me on my path.
I was being freed. It felt like a miracle, because literally nothing else had worked.
I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn’t.
Suddenly I knew it had lost all its grip on me.
One of the most important things I learned through all of it?
How trapped emotions and past traumas led me straight into this experience.
It happened because the evolution of my soul depended on it.
And now, I see how it directly ties into my purpose here. I see why I went through what I did, and why my business has felt so stagnant. (Dating currently is also playing a role here, but that’s for a different email. ;-))
That revelation was more recent, and the process seemed to start around the time we went into lockdown. (Now I see how that time period was and is so fertile for metamorphosis for SO many of us.)
In a way, it was just the beginning.
In part 2 I’ll share more – I haven’t even gotten to the actual awakening part yet. lol.
When it comes down to it, I’m so excited for how this is going to allow me to help others much, much more.
Yes in business, yes in marketing, but especially yes in supporting you fulfilling your mission here.
And it’s not just me. The world is waking up, and it’s all happening FOR you.
What you deeply desire for yourself, your clients, and your business wants you, too.
If you’ve felt energies shifting lately, and a sense of things culminating without fully understanding why, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
Next I’ll dive deeper into that. Stay tuned.