As I head into my 12th year in business (!), mine is not a word but 3 words – GOOD AS HELL.
(Thanks, Lizzo. <3)
I am claiming that in EVERY single area of my life.
Boldly with NO apology.
A “pinch me” kinda life is mine to claim, and ya know what?
I deserve it. (You do too.)
“Boss up and change your life/
You can have it all, no sacrifice”
A few days ago I woke up in the middle of the night, struck by something I can’t explain.
I grabbed my phone and poured out stream of consciousness into my Notes app. I couldn’t write fast enough to capture the thoughts.
I was reminded that poverty and lack is a mindset. Nothing more.
It’s who you let in the driver’s seat. It’s who’s driving the car! (But, you had the power to kick them out all along.)
The kind of life I want is not created by old consciousness and habits, the amount of work I put in, or anything external.
It’s created by remembering that we have access to magic in this life to bring us what we want.
As Dr. Joe Dispenza says, it starts with a clear intention + elevated emotion… feeling as if it is already yours.
Becoming a match to the energy of what you’re seeking – even if it’s not here yet.
It’s the opposite of skepticism. Skepticism will slowly kill your dreams.
For a long time, this was why I wasn’t bringing in what I wanted, and why I was feeling so stuck.
Recently I had a flash of insight that showed me how much I actually judge myself.
It was constant.
And those judgments weakened me, instead of strengthening me.
Tolerations, lack of courage, and lacking belief that I deserved it.
Sometimes I walked around fully unaligned and bogged down by fear.
Now I do what feels good. Time here is short. There won’t be some sort of penalty or lack created by following my bliss.
Before, I was a clenched fist, a tight little ball.
Jittery and unsure and having to rely on notes because it wasn’t my truth.
Truth was, I couldn’t do it in my sleep.
Because I was only operating in a tiny sliver of potential.
It wasn’t the direction I was supposed to go.
No wonder I always felt lost. I needed something to get excited about and this is it, this is where he good stuff lives.
Yet I chased tactics and wasted gobs of time distracting myself because my subconscious is very clever.
But in 2020 I’ve let go of giving a flying f**k what anyone else thinks. You either accept me or not. That’s none of my business, honestly.
The fear is a lie and an illusion.
For example, fear of loneliness for me was really just a big sign that I didn’t trust all will be ok.
Well why should I be delivered what I want if I don’t trust it?
It’s so much about courage and deciding to write the book the way you want it to go.
In my case, the toxicity was clouding it, the trauma was clouding it.
When all is said and done all that matters is how much I lived the F out of my life.
This is what I was resisting all along.
Of course. This is why I’ve been banging my head against the wall.
It is SO much about courage, and also choosing to BELIEVE.
I never need to make myself small for someone else.
I was waiting for someone else to come make the rules, but I have everything I need to make and break the rules.
I was holding back and tentative. And it manifested in my energy. Totally out of alignment.
Too much focus on lack and what I don’t want more of.
It’s so obvious but I couldn’t see it for so long.
Now I’ve truly awakened. Because I decided to! And I had to go through that pain to teach and help others.
The hesitancy has been about that all along. And no wonder I was miserable!
It’s like I had this invisible wall around me – it was invisible because I believed something was holding me and boxing me in!
I was not honoring myself by living out of alignment.
This is the next level and I’ve finally awakened to it.
If people are uncomfortable, they are not my people and I don’t need to be a martyr and put up with it.
There is no prize for living a mediocre life.
I don’t care one bit if or what they’re judging. I get one precious life and I write the story. It was me all along.
This was the dam breaking. And still I catch myself! Judging and spiraling downward instead of up.
When I do, I just decide my life is changing. So simple yet so hidden.
This is what people probably saw in me that I didn’t. Even if they couldn’t name it they felt it because it was always my path.
It’s not a fluke, and the magic keeps going by me being brave. I’m here to model it for others so they can see it’s possible.
This is why the beauty was missing. Because I was holding back and not allowing.
Now I know what that means. It means nothing can steer me off my path. Because it’s such a clear northern star.
I don’t need to shrink back or hide or be afraid.
The years go by in a blink, who am I to forfeit the time I’ve been given?
No wonder I’ve been attracting low vibe, it was a match to me!
Once I respected my life and my privilege, I could harness it and create magic.
Before, I didn’t believe I could create it, so I created more of what that disbelief vibrated.
And… you can tell the ones who’ve figured this out, too.
They don’t care and not in an arrogant way. They are just completely focused and unbothered with what swirls around them.
An act of self care. A toleration shut down.
It’s all just a story anyway. It’s all made up.
“Make believe” – who knew a child’s fairytale saying would be the key to it all?
It’s no coincidence I’ve been doing healing work and releasing the toxic stuff. That’s exactly how this was able to come through.
THIS is what I believe without a doubt, so this is what I must speak about.
I decide it’s important. I decide it’s worthy.
What anyone else thinks doesn’t mean jack.
It’s like certain angels on Earth were telling me all along, but I couldn’t make it out, like it was in code and this cracked it.
I continue to watch myself judge myself and it is completely ok. I clear up things faster.
I become hyper aware. Nothing else is more important than this and everything flows from this.
I suppose I thought I had to wait until I was deemed worthy somehow by some outside force.
No. I am the key. This is the 90%.
The 10% (the marketing) is just the technique to carry it far and wide.
It was blocked inspiration and creativity all along and I’ve sensed it for years but never let it in. I couldn’t.
This is how content gets to flow. When you are tapped in and turned on and tuned to the right station.
Everything orchestrated completely divinely. It all had to happen the way it did. To get me here.
I can’t regret what so clearly is divine.
Now I just spread the goodness.
I keep coming back to the enormity of courage and how it plays a role. The biggest role. Courage to be honest with yourself about what that looks like.
To be you, unfiltered and unencumbered. When you are no longer clogged up and clouded.
No one else need agree or back me up, because I back me up.
I get to have it all, I get to have what it is I want.
I hold the vision and trust, no matter what things look like now, I am being guided and won’t be steered wrong.
It’s always for my highest good and the good of those around me. I finally trust that.
It’s so much about feeling it and believing it’s ok, and not judging myself and holding back because I’m afraid what “they” or some person think.
I’m secure enough in myself to know that if anyone tries to minimize or put limits on me, that’s not my person.
And it’s ok. There is nothing that can hold me back because whatever they think is irrelevant.
It’s all absolutely perfect and ok. And rooted in love.
Other people’s sh*t is their sh*t. I don’t take on anyone else’s fears anymore.
You better believe I’m living in that happy bubble.
I’m lifting the guilt and shame.
Others tried to help me see, but I wasn’t ready then to step into it fully.
I am no longer that girl. She is perfect where she was. But I’ve shed layers since then. I’ve healed so much and continue to.
There is nothing to fear anymore.
Like my abuser, which led me to heal – I had a false self of my own, dictating my outside circumstances.
It could never be more than a slog and boredom while she was trapped in this false version of her.
All these big opportunities I’ve been choosing not to see! Astounding.
The magic is there for you to play with.
Do what feels good.
I’ve been choosing to be sloppy about things.
Fingers in ears. “Nah nah nah I can’t hear you!”
And giving it over to others when it was me all along. Me waiting for me to trust myself.
This is actually great to realize because it’s so fertile. Now I can get to work and trust that northern star.
And my energy being cleaner and more aligned is changing the outside.
So within, so without.
Why did the wisdom finally get through the walls I put around me? There are a few possible reasons, and it’s all perfect. I don’t need to fully understand it to benefit from it.
I’m the most practical person I know, so this was like, “Oh crapppp. Really? This is what the next thing is?”
But yeah. This is what it is. 🙂 That wasn’t the real you. That was you trying to navigate life like half a person.
Severely limited and myopic.
Now, I give myself permission to be an energetic match to what I want.
To not remain in that place of lack of flow and creative drought, and the constant undercurrent of dissatisfaction and boredom.
And it was only me who could fix it all along. But I had to take initiative to get my healing going.
Now I really get to come alive.
Who am I to think I’ve got something important to share? Well, I’m the most important person in my life, aren’t I?
So why wouldn’t coming from my heart be right? It’s my truth and it’s pure. It’s undisputed.
When you’re in that dark season of your life, you just keep going. The cliche of the only way out being through is spot on.
Because the pain imparted wisdom, as it usually does.
You don’t really start with the marketing, I have to admit. You really don’t.
You start here.
Unless you don’t. And it’s not where you are right now. Then you don’t. And that’s perfect. It is your path now, it is your journey. Leave them to theirs.
For me, now I know why it was so sluggish and slowed down. The energy is what they felt. And the technical stuff was just the cover, where it was comfortable.
Yes, you will become super attuned to people who haven’t emerged from their cover and that’s ok. Don’t fight it, don’t resist.
Be honest about what you want. And know exactly what it looks like. It can only be created from there.
If I wanted to keep being held back by what others thought, I’d keep letting that sabotage me. I’m done with that. I am in control.
I’m not going to question how this inspiration came rushing in. All I know is it is right on time.
This is the dam breaking. It is not more doing, it is more being. And that comes first. Not last or after.
Become fascinated by what comes up for you.
Stop making yourself wrong and shamed. And feeling you’re doing it “wrong.”
Wrong is a definition of someone else’s beliefs and convictions.
And this is why I’ve arrived here. It’s the service to others.
Freedom, joy, and service (my top values) coming full circle.
I decide what it means.
I trust what feels like manic inspiration.
This is what’s been covering up everything. I only had to set myself free.
I welcome objections and yeah buts. Because this is my northern star and the always answer to the equation.
There is always more than enough.
I’m not willing to stress and struggle and strain.
No more hiding and waiting and judging and beating around the bush. Life is indeed now.
Happiness and healing is the fertile ground.
Buy the car, spend the money, have no more fear that it might somehow get taken away.
You can manifest more, always. Like clockwork.
This is what being yourself means and why it’s so important.
It means you’re in flow. You’re not poisoned by a whole bunch of other stuff.
This is not a whim, it’s a reckoning – are you gonna live the f**k out of your life or not??
Simple but profound.
It’s now time to stop telling that story. Keep focused on what you want. There is magic there.
So… what’s your word for 2020?